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That said, most people from Jersey have some type of accent but love to pretend they don’t, especially if their family has been there for a few generations. If you get someone from New Jersey to love you, they will love you unconditionally. But I won’t lie to you, I went to high school with a couple of Snookis, and they didn’t build a set to film that show — those people and places exist. If it takes you too long to get our Dunkin’ Donuts, pump our gas, or move out of the way when we’re tailgating you in the fast lane, we get pissed. People from New Jersey get pissed when the only food available at 2am is fast food. If you’re from South Jersey, you don’t ever want anyone to ask if you’re from North Jersey, which you think is basically New York.I admit to deeply suppressing my accent, and when I have too many jager bombs (I’m sorry, the right amount of jager bombs), I call an orange an “ahrange,” which is a fruit that grows in “Flahridah.” The way I say the word “asshole” is so terrible I can’t even figure out how to spell the sound I make. If you meet a new friend from Jersey, or their mom, and you can’t tell if they’re doing a Sopranos accent or not, the answer is no, they really talk that way. I took an informal poll of my immediate family for this article, and almost all of them get pissed while on the road. And since we’re back to driving, don’t ask me what exit I’m from. Don’t tell anyone from New Jersey that Dominos is your favorite pizza. If you’re from North Jersey, you don’t ever want anyone to ask if you live in South Jersey, which you think is basically Philadelphia, or worse, Delaware.Never say you don’t understand why Bruce Springsteen is a big deal. Actually, never sit down anytime you hear a Springsteen song, even if it’s karaoke.At Christmastime, the radio in the New Jersey area plays a special song, not heard elsewhere in the country. We are fiercely proud of the song’s hero, Dominick, the Italian Christmas donkey, who helps out Santa. With so many football teams in a small area, you’d think people wouldn’t be dedicated to one team, but put a Giants fan in an Eagles bar or vice versa and there’s going to be a fight. Something about a bridge, something about Hurricane Sandy, something about abuse of power. Once, when I lived in San Diego, my coworkers and I watched a press conference where he instructed people on how to prep for a hurricane.So for now I’ll retreat back into my highly-opinionated artist’s commune where we ponder these and other high-concept arts (just kidding, I’m actually running late to my shift at Subway), so until the next time I descend from the Heavenly Clouds of Good Taste to bestow my knowledge on you lames, I bid you a fond farewell and a good night.Title: Talk dirty to the webcam Description: A beautiful brunette girl is talking dirty on the toilet while taking a shit.

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Either do it because you feel great, or don’t do it. If you’re lucky enough to go to a Springsteen show, never sit down.

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